#my body is still foreign to me
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Damned Masterpost
Original run
ZEX wasnât there for that, Dex!
Getting started
Kissing Strangers đ
Captain Dating Sim
If I become lost...
It started with a whisper
Perfect comedy routine
Flowers for you!
ZEX loves wild horse!
Dexterâs first visit
Pivotal bright spot
Sunshine Captain âïž
But ZEX loves humans!
Uniform â„
Hard learning curve
Big Guy Teisel
VUXisms
ZEXâs hair <3
Haunted by Kayako
Zelnick has two hands
Zelnickâs gone :(
ZEXâs MU (blood)
Them (blood)
Leaving weird impressions
Last man standing
Wake up somewhere better (blood)
Despite everything, heâs still ZEX
New Daay
DAX profile
DAX Expressions
VUX duo Expressions
Loverâs tiff Expressions
Action heroes Expressions (blood)
Roughed up VUX Expressions (blood)
Too busy flirting
The Little VUXmaid ---
What if DAX was there
DAXâs Special Counseling
Homesick
After ZEXâs MU
Hope we die (blood)
Maxâs visit
Karaoke Night
The girlies are fightinnggg
Different sensibilities
ZEXâs hair, again
Protect him, please
VUXĂ©mon
The three of them
Wander I mean Dr. Doran
More Dr. Doran
âWake upâ configurations
More VUXĂ©mon ft. Larry and Kabu
Dismissed ---
First re-meeting â„
Chill, Sub-Commander
Each otherâs VUX
Pyramid Head fight (blood)
Dr. Vargas
VUX silliness
Therapy went great
Nightly squabbles
You must snuggle
Obeying commands
Locked In
Damned, but make it Osmosis Jones
Wants to fight so bad
Some familiar faces
Drix Uniform
Main threeâs profiles
Other
Stanley profile speculations
Max wants out
Crystal Gem VUX
All those missing eyes
2024 Sketchdump
#Damned#And this is still Just Damned - not including Helix where it doesn't intersect or the larger SCII tag#Whoah#There is something a bit familiar about this kind of structure!#I mentioned back in the ask about Just Desserts not(yet) having a masterpost that I wasn't entirely sure how to make one but hm!#I've made the taglists over on Drabbles and VLH and this is Somewhat similar - and I have another post that's more like this elsewhere#So not entirely foreign to me! Not something I've done over here tho#I figured with the tag being rude and not showing like - a dozen posts??? That's absurd >:0 And I know it's not tag differences!#I clicked on the specific tag the not-showing posts were tagged with and they just Do Not Appear!#Literally have never had that happen on-blog that's only ever been a search/dash thing ugh pls stop with the tungl code pfbtl |P#So! Masterpost! Always be able to find the guys you're looking for!#But also human error lol if there's any that stick out as being missing or accidentally double-linked just shout it out#Did a lot of reorganizing for the original run as some of my doodles were made/posted out of order of the actual events#Very event-obscuring >:3c Some of those didn't even happen! They were just for funsies! Haha#I did leave out Max demanding his body back from ZEX - to the Other list - as that was All speculative and not shown anywhere#The rest are all at least in reference to things that officially happened - pretty sure#Also got a bit silly with some of the captions hehe âȘ Not all of them but a few :) Fun!#''Daay'' is spelled like that intentionally hehe >:3c#And has three sections because! a) Digital b) Speculations c) Actual happenings so far#With some not-happenings silliness mixed in there so you're never quite sure what is and isn't real! Haha#And then the last two with the least amount - or most if you count the sketchdump by volume rather than number of sets lol#What else might fall into this category! It remains to be seen :) The ideas haven't stopped yet#And of course it's too much fun to want to stop â„
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Iâve been thinking a lot about how Spider felt when he hit puberty and started growing facial hair, making him even more different to the Naâvi. I wonder if he hated it.
Also the inherent tenderness of a boy trusting someone else enough to help him shave for the first time⊠something about it makes my chest hurt. I really tried to capture it in Foreign Body but thereâs so much more that I wish Iâd left space for.
#is this me admitting that i might go back and add even more content to my already published and completed fic? perhaps.#spider socorro#jake sully#avatar 2#idk why im posting this im just feeling so soft for spider growing up and battling with his⊠foreign body (ba-dum tss. i am booâd off stage#but fr the way he tries and tries and tries to assimilate and his inescapable humanness is a constant reminder of his incongruity with#pandora⊠like he cant be truly naâvi and growing up he is presented more and more evidence that he will never be#im still turning the Spider as an allegory for second generation immigrants thing in my head⊠the draft post is getting a bit too long tbh#but i just cant shake the feeling that he struggles with this foreignness a lot- ESPECIALLY knowing his parentage (father)#anyway here are a couple of drawins from the pages and pages of spiders i have in my sketchbook#for me and and maybe 1 other person who thinks about this stuff đ come get yall juice (cricket sounds)#theyre not very good but im really enjoying being nobody out here#so i can post my bad drawings and run away đ#i'm trying to learn to draw please be kind <3#kid post
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told my mom i'm developing a widow's peak and she laughed, saying "yeah, it runs in the family among the men."
jesus christ with that and the neckbeard i really am intersex arent i
#slightly terrified#being intersex isn't bad i know that#but it's such a different foundation on which to view myself#that's probably hypocritical coming from a proud tumblr genderfag boydyke kind of person#but i just. idk. it explains everything about what i've been through and what im still going through#i've had other trans men compliment me on how T is treating me#im not on T yet#i've been gendered as female in public yet been told i need to shave my face#and yet i've been gendered as male when wearing makeup#it's so strange#my existence is increasingly becoming foreign to the cis experience even though im not even on hormones yet#and in a way it's always been foreign#both in the trans way and in the 'i have a ton of body hair and acne at age ten' way#im usually all like 'yeah! fuck the gender binary! destroy expectations! down with cis!'#and also like. im a trans guy. i should want this and in a way i really really do#idk why my brain is being like this about it#fucking hell âam i ever going to feel comfortable in my own body?
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ugh.
new year â
new me â
#from the bottom of my heart with ever fiber of my being#i hate that my mind always goes back to đ#itâs just not fair at all is it. and i feel so genuinely stupid#i donât know i try to distract myself i try to remind myself how stupid even humoring the idea is#i canât make my brain stop it though#i feel like iâm slowly going insane over this and the worst part is i KNOW how stupid it is#ougghghggh#lately iâve been trying to remind myself that i did a similar thing with someone else#and when that was happening i was able to kind of reason with myself#and i was able to get over it quickly#but with đâŠ.god itâs been almost two years now. TWO !!#how stupid..#like with the Other Person i knew how silly it was and i was able to talk myself down#and pretty quickly it was just like. not even a problem#but no matter what i do. this is different for some reason. and i hate it. i HATE it !#like my whole brain and body and spirit knows how ridiculous this is#but thereâs this tiiiiinnnny little piece of me somewhere that keeps holding on with a death grip#i donât even feel like itâs part of me. i donât want to be like this! like it feels foreign!#cause i mean i donât want to have suicidal thoughts either but theyâre different even if theyâre unwanted theyâre still part of me u know#but this whole situation. itâs like. it feels like a ghost sometimes#idk. this doesnât make sense. i canât put it into words#but itâs driving me crazy. and i feel like crying!#snow.txt
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So understandably we're back to talking about the quality of the Seine again. (The Paralympics are on now, with competition having started just today!!)
So hear me out: swimming in open water is literally part of the sport. They... have to have done worse than this, right? When I was watching the Olympic marathon swim (open water, in the Seine), the commentators were talking for a while about how yeah this is pretty decent really, a lot of these athletes (read: ones who are primarily marathon swimmers rather than primarily/exclusively pool swimmers who were like "fuck it, why not") have swum marathons in worse just this year.
And now like people are going "oh no, not the Seine again, protect the poor Paralympians!" which like FIRST of all somehow the language being used is rubbing me the wrong way SO hard (it's giving "Paralympians are delicate and must be coddled" which... holy shit do you actually KNOW any Paralympians?? I do, actually! She could lay me or just about any one of my able-bodied friends flat if she wanted to. That might even include my Olympian friend lmao.)
...and SECOND of all... these are triathletes. Like, they see the same conditions (water, air, all of it) as triathletes who aren't part of para-sport. They chose this sport. Not only that, they chose this sport so hard that they're the best in the whole world at this sport! They're full-grown adults making their own decisions regarding their health and their sport! Respect those decisions and stop treating them like they don't know what's going on! They do!
Now none of this is to say that the people working on the Seine should at any point here stop absolutely busting their asses in trying to ensure that the river is as safe and clean as possible (I will be fucking furious if they stop!). But the reasons they absolutely should keep on that are a hell of a lot more complex than, clutches pearls "but think of the wee children Paralympians!"
#debating tagging this properly but I'm just thinking out loud tbh#I didn't say this in the main body of text because on some level it kind of isn't the point but#8 of... 237 total athletes (if I did my maths right) got sick after swimming in the Seine#now that number includes some people twice because some people were in two events where they swam in the Seine#therefore if someone was exposed to the river water twice they were counted twice#that's about 3.3% of athletes who got sick after swimming in the Seine#which doesn't SOUND very high?? but the problem is I don't know how to come about statistics of say...#how many athletes got sick after running the marathon? after swimming races in the pool? after gymnastics?#what exactly is the average rate of exposure to illness at a large event in (what for most people is) a foreign country with unfamiliar foo#and unfamiliar drinking water (which yes can be a thing)#(and it's also hard to prove that any of those illnesses actually correlate to the swimming; just to - lol - muddy the waters further)#regarding my friends: I'm not naming any names because neither of them are open-water swimmers and I'm not dragging them into this#especially my Paralympian friend who (as you might imagine) has yet to compete this Paralympics!#I'm still just so mad about the tone of the conversation tbh#âthese whole-ass disabled adults are babby and must be proteccâ like... ugghhhhhhhhh#this post took me like an hour and a half to write son of a bitch#oh fuck it#paralympics
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Nurse: sorry you can't dress like that at the hospital.
Me (after noticing other women showing way more skin than me): are you gonna tell them that or did you only single me out because of my appearance?
Nurse:
#personal#i literally got dress coded for wearing a tight shirt lmaooo#told you my body type starts trouble#and there were women with tanktops and short skirts all around but no they go far the covered up one happens to have big twins#not my fault my genes did that and i still get attention without pulling my body parts out đ€Ł#also the nurse stopped bothering me after that although she stayed glaring at me for my whole time there#guess she realized she only targeted me cos my body is so âinappropriate lookingâ#also gotta love it when old ladies mutter that i should get SAed for wearing a tight shirt while they're wearing sheer tanktops#showing their wrinkled sagging armpits#you don't know how hateful and jealous women are in my country until you get them upset#also the more you cover up the more likely you are to get harassed here lmaooo cos men like things âleft to the imaginationâ#maybe i SHOULD show my twins off more to shut them up lol#i lived in europe half my life so imagine my shock of going to my country and being attacked by the insecurity of other women#like my foreign friends that have come here also noticed local women eyeing them and whispering hatefully#your insecurity is showing#if your husband likes looking at us that's a you problem pende/ja#rant in tags
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.
#it's actually rly fucked up how seeing one bad picture of myself can ruin my entire evening#i've spent so much time and energy to reach a level of understanding and acceptance of how i look and it has been working#and it's like. i know i am fat. and it's okay. it is just a fact. i've mostly made my peace with it.#then i see a pic taken of me from an unflattering angle and all the unhealthy thinking patterns i've tried to unlearn come back#i will forever be bitter about growing up basically hating myself and i am SO MAD that it is still affecting me!!!!#it's like. so what if i look big in the picture or if i have a double chin in it. that is literally just how i look and that's it#the level of neutrality has been hard to achieve and it annoys me how precarious it still is :(#not to even mention that maybe neutrality isn't the best goal anyways. but like. the concept of being hot seems so foreign to me#like. other people? sure. me? never#sometimes i simply hate the society for making me feel unworthy of everything because i'm fat.#and how people talk about fat people and how they treat fat people has given me trust issues for life#so i'm just sad it's like this. i want to love myself and all that but sometimes it is just so hard#idk thank u for witnessing my rant if u read this far here have a flower đž#body image tw#personal
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Chemical Machine
#This one had me sitting perfectly still for two hours straight. Completely possessed. Drawing.#Her brain and her dress contain morse code#If any of yall want me to translate it I will but otherwise have fun#As with most of my drawing sessions I drew this while listening to a massive compiled playlist of spotify recs that has been building up#The song that inspired the dress#and started the drawing#was 'Foreign Bodies' by Lucy Swann#The song that ended it was 'Rude Mountain' by Penny Parker#4c art#tw brain#tw organs#cw organs#cw brain#organs#brain#dancing
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For all Ive said about nonhumanity being like transness... took me a hot minute to realise the dysphoria im having lmfao. no normal person this side of the galaxy is feeling grossly out of place in their own body because it settled naturally into a head, two arms, and two legs. Im not even thinking about species. This isnt an attempt to be something Im not, its a continuous "my brain isnt aligning with my body". I feel so intensely like Im being forced to appear like this in order to be respected/considered normal/not shunned or feared or otherwise repulsing those around me. god.
i hear my voice monotoned and string-instrument-esque and it sounds so unnatural. i see eyes and nose and mouth and all i can think is, even when i look like what humans would call completely inhuman, how human it is. Sorry. Four limbs and a head and standing upright? So human. Speech in a linear singular voice? So human. ugh. god.
#here's where i decide to let myself settle more naturally or keep forcing myself into a humanoid shape huh#~abyssal murmurs#I dont hate humans just like i dont hate women. But i look at my bodies and... physically all the ways im womanly invoke the#same feelings as looking at my astral bodies and all the ways im human. its so... its dysphoria lmfao its the exact same experience#its the exact same ''i expected to see something different. im not in the right body. theres no shame in my body but this isnt what i am#and i keep forgetting i am stuck in this form'' like. yeah biology does that#i love humans. but the intensely gross and out of control and ''i swear two minutes ago i wasnt this'' and so on feelings are...#Like its not ''humans are gross'' the gross feeling comes like nausea at being in a foreign body that doesnt align with who#you feel and know you are. My physical body?? If it was someone elses Id be attracted to it - actually I have proof of that lmfao -#and Id say theres nothing wrong with it. but its intensely not me in subtle ways. the way it grows fat and where. the roundness of features#the etc etc so-called feminine features. The way my astral body settles into human-like configurations...#ugh. god. coming back from being the almadia Im about ready to never take a fucking human form again - and thats the thing#its dysphoria as in i could be in a Considered Nonhuman Form like i said and still all i can feel and see are things im not even consciousl#thinking of. Ive been annoyed tonight about my understandings of reality coming from The Other Side Of The Galaxy - I am intensely#missing home. And like. theres a whole lot of. shit to deal with in regards to waking up as an incarnation#because you are not you. You are decidedly not you. The more you wake up to You the more you realise youve spent hundreds of thousands of#years vs 20 odd ones this life as something - im so tired man#im a force of change and dysphoria is a bane of my existence because its so tightly knotted into the strings of Cannot Control#its based on ''my own /body/. not my life. my /body/. my selfhood. is not in my control and will always be controlled by#other peoples opinions of it and they will always pilot it into boxes without my consent that i dont agree with because everyone else can#do with my body what they want and i can do nothing''#does every damn trauma and bad event in my life need to be underlined by rape trauma yes apparently so
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It's important to note that things you enjoyed when you were young will annoy you when you get older. It's also going to be difficult to accept it if it's something you deeply associate with your identity.
#justmefeelingtherain#in my case that is traveling#as i got older i need my routines and comforts bc i got more sensitive and overstimulated#being spontaneous and eating food im not used to is affecting me negatively and sucking the joy of going anywhere#i might be still recovering from new zealand disaster and my body remembers the trauma#its been a long grieving process to accept im no longer a carefree traveler like when i was younger#i hate not knowing languages i hate looking stupid in front of foreigners i hate restaurants#i will travel less in the future and not very far#i know its for my own good but its still sad
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đŹđđČ đČđđŹ đđš đĄđđđŻđđ§ (đą) â đ đšđŁđš đŹđđđšđ«đź
contents. period piece, forbidden love, ooc, angst (eventual comfort), yandere emperor!gojo, lovesick!gojo, servant!reader, obsessive behavior, lowkey unreliable narrator, time skips, 7.2k words of gojo unable to process his feelings
notes. sorry for leaving everyone hanging after the prologue (make sure to read or reread since it's been a hot minute!) TT but here it finally is!!!...not proofread soz :x
series masterlist | chapter 1/2
You haunt his dreams, heâs sure. Gojo never believed in superstitions or the supernatural despite what all those old geezers preached. That was until your figure started to appear every time he closed his eyes.
The familiar scene of you gets cloudier every time it appears in his dreams, but he knows it is still you. Itâs nearly comical how even his subconscious knew of your everlasting beauty. Everytime, the same sequence replays: a grand celebration he had hosted in the palace in honor of a prosperous year of his reign. The two of you were overlooking the guests, seated at the head of the room.
Youâre wearing court attire that was altered to fit solely you (it hugged your body in such ways that made Gojoâs head spin), fabrics and dyes all originating from foreign lands. In your hair sits beautiful hair ornaments, swinging with every movement you make.
However, Gojo knows it is not the materialistic items that make you beautiful, no, he knows that it was simply you.
âHas anyone told you how unnerving your eyes are?â You quietly comment, eyes still trained on the party in front of you. Satoru cracks a slight smile, not ashamed in the slightest that he was caught ogling you.
âI thought you said you loved them?â He blinks at you, attempting to lean closer to show off his blue orbs. âYouâre starting to hurt my feelings, beloved.â
You purse your lips, subtly leaning away before he can initiate improper conduct. He does not take your action well, snaking an arm around you to firmly cage you in his hold. Normally, you would welcome his advances but youâd rather not be publically humiliated in front of the entire Imperial Court and all of the influential clanheads of Japan.
âPlease have mercy on me, Your Grace,â You whisper, eyes flitting across the room, making sure there were no eyes on you. Luckily, everyone was too absorbed with the luxurious goods Gojo had imported for the occasion. It was the anniversary of his coronation, after all.
He makes a noise of disapproval, âCanât. Must let these people know that youâre mine.â Gojo closes the gap between you and sniffs your neck, softly moaning at your scent. He knows that if the geezers looked up from their silver spoons they would have a heart attack at his public display of affection. Not that he cares. His unorthodox ways may make them livid, but Gojo knows they wonât do anything. He was going to pave the way for the Golden Age of Japanâ with you by his side.
âYour Grace!â You giggle at the ticklish sensation left by his warm breath. Any attempts of shying away from him are fruitless.
âDonât run away,â His other hand firmly places itself on your clothed thigh, restricting your movements. All of this is hidden by the table that sits in front of the two of you.
Youâre looking at him with those shiny eyes of yours, silently pleading with him. âCanât this wait until tonight?â
He huffs, âI have suffered enough today without your presence. Ijichi kept begging me to finalize the preparations, but who am I to care? My flower was too busy having fun without me.âÂ
âYou and your dramatics. I was only away to tend the gardens in the Consortâs Pavilion. Which, might I remind you, is fading by the moment because someone refuses for me to stay there.â You tut, picking up your chopsticks to eat the delectable fish placed in front of you.Â
Gojoâs stare never falters as he watches you pick up a small piece, eyes shining as if he were watching a spectacle. âYou know I canât sleep without you.â
âAnd I, you.â You pop the piece inside of your mouth, chewing happily at the flavor that fills your tongue. âYou know, Iââ You began, but were cut off by the sudden seizing of your throat.Â
The chopsticks in your hands clatter loudly with the porcelain they are dropped on.Â
Gojo's breath hitched, his eyes wide and trembling with horror as he watched you struggle for air. "My love?â he choked out, his voice cracking under the weight of rising panic.
Your hands immediately travel to your neck to alleviate the sudden burning feeling that blossomed in it.
â[Name]!â He shouts, large hands quickly rising to cup your cheeks. In a desperate attempt, he squeezes your cheeks to get you to spit it out.Â
"Poiâpoison," Your voice was hoarse, your face losing its color by the second. Satoru was frozen with fear. âDonât eat itâŠSatoru.â With those parting words, you lose consciousness.
â[Name]?â Satoruâs hoarse voice canât stop repeating your name like a prayer, hands lightly tapping your cheek as if it was going to bring you back to life.
Gojo wanted to laugh. Even when you were dying, you worried about him. Not that it mattered. You werenât going to die. He refused.
Sometime during your struggle the chatter had stopped, and all eyes were on you. Satoru looks up from you to bark orders to the guards he had placed around the room. They leave to summon the Imperial Physician while Gojo is left clinging onto your limp body, praying to the Heavens above that they will grant him one more miracle.
â
Back in his chambers, Gojoâs head pounds, but heâs not sure whether it was the speed he shot up from his bed or the dream itself. He feels hot, sweat running from his bare chest that heaves to bring oxygen to his quickly pumping heart. Heâs nearly certain his chest is going to cave any second with the way it constricts with pain. It was like he was a geezer, he humors silently.
âYour Grace?â A delicate hand cups his cheek.Â
He follows the direction of the hand, eyes slowly trailing up the feminine body it belonged to, barely covered as a result of the thin silk nightgown that highlighted her natural curves. âAre you alright? It was only a nightmare.â She cradles his face, moving slowly in his vulnerable state.
Satoru breathes heavily, eyes widening as they travel from her breasts to her face, beautifully illuminated by the sparse moonlight leaking from the window. Her dark hair falls past her shoulders, obscuring some of his access to her skin. His beautiful mistress. Heâs sure that she is whispering sweet nothings into his ear, but the images of his memory keep replaying in his mind, occupying it from functioning properly. âHimiko, how did youââ
âI heard you and I couldnât bear it.â Her finger softly caressed his flushed cheek, trying her best to ignore the bewildered look on her loverâs face.Â
THE PRESENT â
The journey to the Inner Palace was a blur. After a long goodbye, a horse drawn carriage was sent to the front of Yagaâs estate the very next morning. Your mind was elsewhere the entire time, too busy mulling over your past and now damned future.Â
That is why when the carriage comes to a complete stop in front of the servantsâ quarters, you are startled to meet two awfully familiar faces.
The two are silent, eyes carefully watching you exit the carriage. The purple set of eyes steps forward first to take your bags from you.Â
âAh thank you Misterââ Your voice trails off, eyes looking up from the dark robes in front of you only to be surprised with a familiar face. âL-Lord Geto?âÂ
His lips quirk up slightly upon recognition. âWelcome back, [Name].â Your heart throbs at his indifference from the last interaction you had. It is quickly concealed by the excitement in your voice when your eyes spot a comforting pair of eyes.
âAnd Kento?â You light up.
Suguru raises an eyebrow at your familiarity with the Imperial Chancellor. He knows he should be relieved that you held no malice towards himself and Nanami, knowing the struggle you were subjected to when banished. However, there was a foreboding feeling gnawing deep within his soul. Guilt? Fear? It was hard for Geto to put a finger on it.
Nanami simply nods in acknowledgment, but stays silent under Getoâs watchful gaze.
â[Name],â The black haired man starts. Your eyes return to his face. âI wanted to be the first to greet you here, but I suppose Lord Nanami must have had the same idea.â He chuckles lightly, but the mirth never makes it to his eyes. You donât notice Lord Nanami stiffening up.
âTo say I am flattered would be an understatement, Lord Geto.â You return the same sugarcoated pleasantries.Â
Geto must have noticed your unease, reminding you, âPlease, there is no need to keep your guard up around me. I donât bite.â His voice has a teasing lilt. It does little to soothe you.Â
âCan you blame me, Lord Geto?â Your eyes meet his purple ones that narrow at your allusion.
âI suppose not.â He hums. âThough I must tell you that the incident was out of my power. I must carry that burden everyday, so I implore you to forgive me, [Name].â He throws out your given name once again like you were familiar.Â
When you donât respond, he continues, âI know, it is easier said than done.â
âYou donât say.â You bite your tongue as soon as the words leave your mouth. He fails to acknowledge how your last interaction was your banishment, served just by the man in front of you.
A sigh escapes Getoâs lips. "As a gesture of my accountability, I place myself entirely at your disposal. Simply name a favor, and it shall be fulfilled." You canât detect anything but sincerity in his words, leaving you speechless. âOf course, it had to be within my power, but I shall grant you one request in return for your forgiveness.â
âIââ You were too shocked to form a thought. âI donât know what to say.â
Suguruâs eyes crinkle, "Our last encounter may not have been pleasant, but I still consider you a dear friend, after all.â
âI am flattered to say the least that you had decided to grant me such honor,â you gape.
Geto shakes his head softly, âYou shouldnât hold me to such high regard. I could hardly bear the weight of your disfavor.â
âYou know I donât harbor any ill feelings towards what happened,â you say softly. It wasnât Suguruâs decision what happened that night.
âI wouldnât be able to live with myself otherwise,â the black haired man in front of you pushes. You relent. Perhaps you should just bite your tongue and accept the opportunity presented. âPlease. Just think about it.â
You watch in silence as Geto turns around to walk away. His sudden offer leaves your mind racing. A man of his caliber, second to none but the emperor himself, would be able to grant any of your desires. Perhaps you should ask to import Western literature, tales of great fantasyâ or, you could think bigger and ask to move back with your clan. Though you highly doubt he will entertain the latter, considering your indentured servitude to the Inner Palace.Â
Your racing thoughts are diverted when you hear someone clear their throat to capture your attention. You perk up when you realize that Lord Nanami was still here, and you have completely ignored his presence.
âI am just as surprised to see your immediate return to the palace.â Nanami adjusts the glasses on his face, sympathetic eyes never leaving you. You flush under his gaze. It was quite embarrassing knowing the entire palace probably had caught wind of your incident with the emperor.
A nervous chuckle escaped your lips.Â
âIt wasnât my intention,â you mumble. âBut I suppose if fate has decided, there is not much I can do.â
âYou truly believe that it was fate that brought you here?â Nanami asks, the hold he had on your arm tightening enough to catch your attention but not enough to hurt.Â
âI-â You begin, words failing to conjure. âIâm not sure.â You had thought that your banishment was fate, but now that you had been brought back, it felt like you were simply at the mercy of something cruel.
Nanami watches your eyes staring wistfully at the blue sky above, his own flickering to each of your features. He wonders if you know that your expressions gave you away. Itâs more endearing than anything, from the flutter of your eyelashes, the wrinkle of your nose, to the furrow of your eyebrows. Only a blind man would deny the fact that you were easy to fall in love with. However, it would make a foolish man to dare to pursue you.
 Heâll appreciate you and your charm from afar where his head may stay attached to his body.
The comfortable silence shared between the two of you is disrupted by a flock of handmaidens passing by. Nanami tenses his jaw when the voices become audible.Â
âIs it really her?â
âItâs said that she tried to sneak into the Emperorâs chambers.â
âIs that Lord Nanami? My, we must warn him about that whore that tried to seduce the emperor!â
âPoor Lady Himiko.â
Anger swells in your chest. Though youâre not sure what tale had managed to escape the servantsâ quarters, but you pray that they may never reach the emperorâs ears. It was simply profane to the beloved consort, an offense that you know Gojo would never forgive you for. You can deal with nasty gossip, having previous experience, but you doubt you can handle being beheaded for conspiring against the emperor and his consort.
âIâm afraid no matter how much time has passed, the palace rumors seem to never die.â Nanami sighs, exhaustion evident in his gravelly voice. âI advise you to brace yourself. Within these coming days, the fire will only get hotter.â He doesnât bother elaborating on his words, choosing to lead you to your new chambers.
âThank you for the advice Nanami,â you exhale. âHowever, I am sure Iâll be able to manage on my own. After all, Iâve been doing it for quite some time.â The moment the solemn words leave your mouth his eyes soften. You quickly look away, flustered.
âI know you can, [Name]. I suppose my anxieties are misplaced, forgive me.â You can feel his stare bore into the side of your face. He sighs, âit is a habit that comes natural to me.â He worries for you. The words go unsaid, but you are able to decipher his double meaning.
Your heart flutters at his kind implications, eyes too shy to meet him once more. Instead, you choose to fix your gaze on the doors to the servantsâ quarters. The blonde man beside you takes the liberty to open the doors to your new room.Â
At the sight in front of you, your heart lurches.
Before you stands a familiar head of white hair, standing tall with his back turned towards you. His head was tilted slightly, as if scrutinizing something unseen, before he slowly shook it. Then, with an unsettling calm, he turned to face you, his gaze heavy with unspoken intent.
âIâll take her from here,â Gojoâs icy voice breaks the silence that had overtaken you and Nanami.
âOf course,â Nanami bows deeply. You turn to bid the man goodbye, but he leaves hurriedly without sparing you so much as a glance. You canât help but furrow your eyebrows in confusion, eyes longingly watching your old friend walk away.
The moment the shoji doors close behind him, Gojo clears his throat.
â[Name],â he tests the waters, his movements deliberate as he takes a slow, tentative step toward you, the air between you thick with an unspoken tension.
âYour Majesty,â You respond shakily, retreating a step as your breath catches.
âPlease,â Gojo mutters breathlessly, his voice trembling with unspoken desperation, his eyes pleading with an intensity that only deepens the pit in your stomach. He takes two deliberate strides forward, the gap between you vanishing as though drawn by an invisible force.
âNo,â You shake your head, pain flashing across your face. You wonât let him waltz right into your life after carelessly tossing you away, not without consequence. It is to no surprise that words seem to go unheard to the man in front of you. His eyes glistened in the dim lighting, fixed intently on your face, tracing each feature with a quiet focus, as if he were trying to burn them into his memory.
The world seemed to stay still just for the two of you. But it only lasted for just a moment.
âIâm so sorry,â Gojo mutters, a strong hand flying to the back of your neck tugging you towards him for a searing kiss. The instant his lips crash against yours, he lets out a soft whimper, as though the very act consumes him. Despite the passage of time, your body responds instinctively, like it was always meant to be this way.
It felt like the only thing that mattered was the fact that he was right in front of you, your fast beating hearts making contact with the way he had your chest pressed to his. All while pushing you against his body, Gojo allows his hand to trail down your back, revisiting every valley that he had once memorized.
âMph,â your traitorous hands find their way into his head of white hair. He smiles into the kiss upon hearing his name leave your mouth.
âYes?â He leaves a wet kiss at the base of your throat, bending down to continue his frenzy.
âThis isnât right,â the words came out of your mouth in a whisper, as if you almost didnât believe them yourself.
âYouâre wrong.â He inhales deeply, attaching his mouth onto your collarbone, âI was made solely for this.â A small whine leaves his mouth when you hesitantly try to push him off. He uses his innate strength to fight your attempts.
âMay I ask something of you?â
A kiss was placed on your jawline. Another on the base of your throat.
âAnything,â he breathes.
âDo you..â Your voice falters. âDo you love her?â Like you loved me?Â
The trail of kisses come to a complete stop. For a second you fear you may have overstepped. The emperorâs silence was palpable. The only sound that filled your ears was the harsh thuds of your own heart.Â
â[Name]...â he slowly stands up to tower over you with his height. The distant look in his eyes forms a pit in your stomach.
âAnswer me,â you whisper, the pit deepening.
âI am just a man,â he reasons. Your heart drops at his answer.
âYou could not even take an oath of monogamy,â you spit. âYou are nothing but a weak man.âÂ
His eyes shoot up from their trance frantically. You fear that the lust he had been tempted with had worn off, and now you were left with nothing but wrath.
âI understand that I was nothing but a spoil of war, but you could have done me one last favor by allowing me to leave on my own accord. You did not have to cast me away,â your vision starts to waver with the tears that puddle in your eyes. âIf I knew your heart had yearned for another I would have left.â
The set of blue eyes that stare at you are no longer the lively shade that you had grown to love. They have been replaced by an uncertain stormy grey. It was almost laughable. A man, so big, who had the world in the palm of his hand looked so small.
A cruel part in you enjoyed seeing the turmoil in his eyes after the events that had transpired.
âHad I known the tribulations I put you through, perhaps I would have put a second thought before choosing you.â Gojo exhales, pinching in between his eyebrows. âBut I must assure you that you werenât the only one suffering.â And for a moment you think you see lightning strike in those stormy irises of his.Â
Your eyes widen at his confession.
He lets out a deep sigh, âThe head maid will be here any minute. I bid you farewell. I pray that with our next interaction, your heart learns to soften.â
Ever for dramatics, Gojo leaves before you can get the last word.
â
True to his word, the head maid soon comes to assign your duties. Youâre not surprised at your new set of responsibilities: tending to the emperorâs garden, sweeping the floors to his chambers, and overseeing his meal preparations.Â
It is nothing out of your skill set, and youâre more than willing to accept your predicament rather than being burned alive for offending the emperor on numerous accounts. You suppose even Gojo was kind enough to spare you from that cruel fate. It almost softens your heart enough to decide to forgive him of his transgressions. Almost.
Your thoughts are interrupted by a loud clang of a pot. When you turn your head towards the direction of the sound, youâre met with the head maidâs stern gaze. Her eyes narrowed on the wooden spoon you had been mixing in the broth.Â
Ah. She wanted you to perform the mandatory poison test before serving the food to the emperor.
However, just as you bring the spoon to your lips, it is violently swatted from your hand, clattering to the floor. Your eyes sadly linger on the spilled broth before snapping to the culprit, your gaze filled with disbelief.
"There were strict orders to ensure that the task did not fall to you," the head maid, Ogami, declared sharply. The elderly woman, with silver hair neatly tied in a tight bun and skin etched with the marks of years spent in service, raised a wrinkled finger in your direction.
You blink, taken aback by her sudden reprimand, the sharpness in her gaze leaving you momentarily frozen. It didnât make senseâthere had been no mention of any such orders, no one had informed you of any changes. You open your mouth to speak, but the words catch in your throat, swallowed by the weight of her unyielding stare.Â
How strange.
Days pass by like a blur, your routine falling into place. When dawn arrives, youâre up to prepare the emperorâs garments for the day. Your mid-mornings grow even busier as the palace comes alive with activity. Whether mending torn hems or ensuring the ceremonial robes are free of imperfection, you move like a ghost through the corridors with hopes of going unnoticed. The emperorâs unusual antics, however, make it nearly impossible to slip by unnoticed. He seems to have a knack for drawing your attention. His antics often begin at ungodly hours, long before the sun graces the horizon, as he attempts to coax you into sharing the first meal of the day with him. You decline each time, yet his persistence never wavers, a boyish grin always accompanying his invitations. By the time the sun reaches its zenith, Gojo finally departs to attend to his imperial duties. Itâs only then, in the quiet lull of his absence, that you find the chance to make real progress with your work.
âTo say I am relieved because of your presence would be an understatement, [Name].â Nanami and you overlook the palaceâs main courtyard.Â
You smile, hands filled with silks that needed washing, âI could say the same.â The emperorâs outrageous requests were driving you mad. Your mind flashes to earlier that week when he had insisted on hand feeding you honey! You wonder how he survived without a personal servant before you took the position.
âHis Majesty is as eccentric as ever, I assume.â Nanamiâs eyes crinkle.Â
You laugh, âYou know him too well!â
âI didnât have much choice,â he shakes his head, smile ghosting his lips. âWeâve known eachother since our youth.â
You perk up at the news, your curiosity piqued. The confusion must have been written all over your face, prompting Nanami to offer a quick clarification.
âIt was brief, our time at the academy. But we were both under the instruction of Yaga,â he elaborates. Huh. What a small world, you think as Nanami paints an unexpected connection.Â
âI am struggling to imagine you and him studying under the ever serious Yaga,â you giggle.
âI was in the year below him. It was Lord Geto and Shoko who were first hand witnesses to his nature.â Nanami tells you.Â
You nearly dropped all of the emperorâs clothes, âShoko?â The revelation that your own friend was acquainted with the emperor stopped you dead in your tracks. Had she known him personally all along? If so, she made no effort to reveal it. Instead, she appeared almost disgusted by him, though you had chalked it up to her disdain for the new ruling dynasty rather than a personal vendetta against the man himself.
âI am aware you were well acquainted with her in your time in the Outer Palace, no?â âYes, butââ you pause, before eyes snapping back to Nanami. âHow did you know?â
Nanami blinks, momentarily caught off guard. His eyes widen a fraction, and he opens his mouth as if to explain, but then falters, his words stumbling.
Before he can say anything, a soft, familiar voice drifts from behind you.
â[Name]!â A servant of Lady Himiko calls urgently, her voice laced with a sense of urgency. You turn to face her.
âYes?â
âThe emperor requests your presence in the ceremonial hall. He says it is of great importance and that you must make haste!â The girl exclaims, grabbing your only free arm and tugging you toward the hall.
You glance back at Nanami, your eyes silently promising him that this conversation is far from over. He gives a small nod, acknowledging your unspoken words as he bids you farewell.
âAh, may I ask what the emperor requires of me?â you ask, trying to maintain some control over the situation.
âYouâll see,â she replies, her tone clipped. Without sparing you a glance, she pulls you forward with determination, clearly focused on her task.
Like a lamb heading toward slaughter, you find yourself helplessly being dragged through the grand doors of the ceremonial hall, your thoughts swirling with questions you canât yet answer.
The expansive room was eerily empty, a stark contrast to its usual grandeur. The sunlight poured through the tall windows, casting long beams of light that danced across the polished floors, illuminating the intricate tapestries and the grand pillars that lined the hall. But your gaze soon shifted, focusing on the emperorâs seat at the very end of the room.
You had expected the usual scene: Gojo slouched in his throne-like chair, whiny and complaining about the mountain of paperwork he despised. But what greeted you instead was something far more unexpected.
A figure stood poised at the head of the room, commanding the space with an elegance that was undeniable. Anyone familiar with the court could recognize her signature choice of kimonoâthe rich plum silk embroidered with intricate gold patterns, delicate yet striking. Her hair, black as midnight and flowing like a river of silk, cascaded down her back in perfect waves, a stark contrast to her porcelain-like complexion.
It was Lady Himiko. Her beauty was legendary, whispered about among women across the nation, often compared to a living work of art. The rumors of her grace and poise werenât exaggerated. Standing there, surrounded by her ladies-in-waiting, who remained perfectly still and attentive at her side.
Her eyes met yours, and for a brief moment, your breath was stolen. The stillness of the room was palpable, and you couldnât help but wonder why she was here, in the emperorâs seat, with not a whisper of Gojo in sight.
âAh, just the one I was looking for!â her eyes light up when she sees her servant return with you in her hand. The gleam in her eyes fill you with unease.
âLady Himiko, it is an honor,â you bow.
âThereâs no need for that! Please, stand.â She waves her slender fingers at you, or so it seems, but at her silent command, her ladies-in-waiting begin to move toward you.
You take a step back, instinctively using the emperorâs garments, still damp from your earlier washing, as a shield against their sudden movements. The soft rustling of fabric is almost deafening in the silence that follows.
Lady Himikoâs eyes narrow at the motion, her sharp gaze flicking to the garments you hold between you and her. A faint, almost imperceptible smile plays at the corners of her lips, but it does nothing to ease the tension thickening in the air.
âI understand the unspoken animosity between us,â she says, her voice smooth, but there's an edge to it that sets your nerves on edge. âI pray you will accept my humble apology.â She clasps her hands together, but her eyes remain calculating, never leaving yours.
Her words hang in the air, heavy with implication. âI had not expected the emperor to kindle such⊠passion for me so suddenly. It was neither of our intentions that fateful night we reunited after the days of our youth.â She shakes her head softly, laughing nervously. "How rude of me, I doubt you of all would want to hear about Satoru and I."
Your breath hitches, caught between surprise and a tightening knot of discomfort in your chest. The weight of her words presses down on you, and you struggle to maintain composure.
âI do apologize for bringing you here on such deceptive terms, but I had to get your attention somehow,â she continues. âAs one who has been a former concubine, I wanted your counsel on how I should navigate this delicate matter.â If you didnât know any better, you would say she was mocking you. But you knew Himiko wasnât one you wanted to offend, so you bite your tongue.
Instead, you nod, steeling yourself against the discomfort crawling up your spine. âWhat is it that you need from me?â you ask, your voice betraying none of the wariness you feel.
Himikoâs ladies-in-waiting close in around you swiftly, subtly guiding your every step toward the emperorâs stand. The grand hall feels even larger as youâre led deeper into its heart, each step reverberating through the space.
At the end of the room stands Himiko, watching you approach with a distant gaze. The soft glow from the nearby windows catches on the polished surface of the wooden desk before her, where inkstones, brushes, and stacks of paper lie in disarray.
You pause, your gaze falling upon the desk, and thatâs when you notice the manuscript sheâs pointing to. Her perfectly filed nails trace the edges of the paper with deliberate slowness. Though you cannot read the characters from this distance, the emblems that adorn the papers are unmistakable. They belong to some of the most powerful clans in the empire, each one a mark of authority and influence.
As your eyes skim across the paper Himikoâs hand rests on, the characters seem to leap off the page in a rush of realization. Itâs a proposalâ one written by the notorious Zenin clan. You can almost feel the air grow heavy as you piece it together. The words speak of demands for more autonomyâan increase in their power, more control over the lands they already possess. And you know, instinctively, that if this were to pass, everything Gojo has fought for, everything heâs struggled to protect, would crumble into dust. His fight against the rigid clan-based hierarchy would be for naught.
For a moment, your mind reels. This is no mere conversation or request for guidance. This is a game of power, one where youâre being used as a pawn. Her eyes lock with yours, and the air between you thickens with unspoken understanding. She mustâve taken you for a mere tool to execute her own plans.
But youâre no fool, and that realization comes like a slap to the face. You straighten your posture, eyes hardening as the weight of the situation settles in.
âThese seals...â Your voice falters as you stare at the emblems, your hand hovering over the manuscript as though touching it might implicate you further. The weight of the realization crashes down on you like a cold wave. You look up at Himiko, bewildered, your heart pounding in your chest. Meddling with state affairs, let alone tampering with the emperorâs documents was a crime punishable by death.
âDoes the emperor know about this?â you demand, your voice trembling with a mix of fear and indignation. âThisâthis could be considered treason!â
âCareful with your words,â she says softly, her tone calm. âIt is not treason when it is for the betterment of the empire.â
Your mouth opens as if to respond, but no sound escapes.
âThe emperor has always held you in high regard,â Himiko says with a wistful sigh, her eyes narrowing on your figure. âIâve no doubt he would find it impossible to refuse any command spoken by you.â
Her cryptic words linger in the air, their implications sinking into you. Youâre left reeling, unsure of whether her remark is meant as flattery or a thinly veiled mockery of your banishment.Â
She scoffs, her delicate façade cracking as her tone turns venomous. âThe emperor may not know, but I see right through you. Seducing him to claim yourself as some spoil of war and twisting his mind to lead our nation to ruinâitâs sickening. Truly, a shame the assassination attempt failed.â Her words lash out like a whip, her civil mask shattering entirely.
You gasp, her implications cutting deep even as your heart hardens against the venom. Had she knownâ?
âPerhaps that is what the entire Court believes of me,â you manage, your voice trembling yet steady enough to carry your conviction. Months of whispered rumors and vicious gossip had thickened your skin, and you refused to crumble under her scrutiny. âBut I will not allow you to sully the emperorâs reputation.â
As much as you detested Gojo, your disdain for the corrupt elders burned hotter. They had plotted your downfall, attempted to take your life, and now sought to undermine everything Gojo was fighting to build. You could not allow them to gain any more power in the Court than they already held.
Himikoâs lips curl into a cold, triumphant smile as she picks up an inkstone and brush from the emperorâs desk. âAs his Honored Consort and future Empress I command you to hold this for me while I pave the way for a greater future.â Her words are laced with mockery as she extends the inkstone toward you.
You recoil instinctively, shaking your head. âNo. I refuseââ Your rejection is firm, your voice sharper than you expected, as you pull away, clutching the emperorâs garments protectively against your chest.Â
The next few moments unravel in slow motion, as though fate itself had decided to humiliate you. Himikoâs gasp pierces the air as your sudden movement causes the inkstone to slip, spilling its dark, viscous contents over her elaborate kimono. The silk, undoubtedly crafted from the finest threads in Japan, drinks in the stain, the deep black spreading like a wound across the fabric.
âMy lady!â Her servants rush to her side, their collective cries of alarm startle you. They push you aside as they fuss over her, their movements frantic as they attempt to salvage her now-ruined garment.
You stumble back, staring in disbelief at the disaster youâd unwittingly caused. âIâI am truly sorryââ you begin, but your words falter under the weight of the situation.
âWhat is going on here?â
The booming voice echoes through the hall like thunder, freezing everyone in place. You whip your head toward the source, your pulse quickening as your eyes land on the figure now standing in the doorway. The emperor himself, Gojo, commands the room with his presence, his expression a mixture of confusion and rising fury as he takes in the scene before him. By his side stands the owner of the voice, an elder, with an expression carved with barely restrained anger piercing through you.
Himiko lets out a sharp cry, her voice trembling with a convincing mix of distress and indignation. Gojo reacts instantly, rushing by her side, his features hardening with concern.
âI found her forging His Majestyâs signature,â Himiko exclaims, her voice wavering just enough to sound genuine. âWhen I tried to intervene, she lashed out and attacked me.â She trembles as she buries her head against the emperorâs chest.
It hits youâthe full realization of her calculated scheme. This was her plan all along.
âI-I didnât!â you stammer, your voice raw with desperation. âThat wasnât what happened at allâ she was the one tampering with imperial documents. I tried to stop her!â
Gojoâs piercing blue eyes snap to yours, cutting off your explanation. His gaze, once warm and teasing, now burns with unrestrained fury. The bile rises in your throat as you see it. Anger, disdain, and worst of all, disbelief.
âHimiko,â he murmurs, his arms tightening protectively around her trembling form. Her soft sniffling only adds to the spectacle.
âTo be caught tampering with imperial records is one thing,â Gojo finally says, his voice icy and cutting, âbut to stoop so low as to accuse Lady Himiko? Was this an act out of jealousy? Spite? How pathetic. This is beneath even you, [Name].â
You feel your knees weaken, the tears youâve fought to hold back beginning to pool in your eyes. âPlease, you have to believe me,â you whisper, your voice cracking under the weight of his words.
His expression darkens further, the light in his sky-blue eyes replaced by thunderclouds. âWhy would I believe you?â he sneers, his tone laced with contempt.
A single tear escapes down your cheek, followed by another, and then another, until you can no longer stop them. The dam of your resolve breaks, shattered by his cruel dismissal.
âWhy?â Your voice trembles, breaking as the tears come freely now. âWhy donât you believe me?â
Gojoâs lips curl into a bitter smile. âDonât make me laugh,â he says coldly. âHow could I ever believe in one as base as you?â
His words cut deeper than any blade, piercing through the walls youâd built to protect yourself. Youâd convinced yourself you were immune to his indifference, but the searing pain in your chest proves otherwise.
âLeave,â he commands, his voice sharp and final. âDo not look back. Your very presence stirs nothing but disdain within me.â
You stagger back, his words striking harder than any physical blow. He might as well have drawn his sword and ended it here. The infamous tales you had heard about Gojo were once glorious images that were painted of your beloved. You had never thought you would be on the other end of his blade.Â
Without a word, you turn and run, your vision blurred with tears. The emperorâs garments slip from your hands, forgotten in your haste to escape the suffocating anguish. You donât look back, even as the echoes of his disgust chase you out of the hall.
If there was one undeniable truth that Geto Suguru knew, it was that his best friend, Gojo Satoru could be an utter fool. Perhaps it was the inevitable result of a youth stolen too soon, replaced by the crushing weight of an empire resting on his shoulders. The brilliance that made Gojo a formidable emperor rendered him hopelessly inept when it came to navigating the labyrinth of his own emotions.
And as his closest confidant, bound by loyalty and friendship, Geto Suguru couldnât help but feel the urge to shake some sense into himâto force him to confront what he stubbornly refused to see.
That is why, when your trembling form hurries across the courtyard, tears streaming down your face, Geto Suguru canât help but halt you in your steps.Â
âIâm leaving.â you declare, your voice raw, your eyes red and swollen. The words, so resolute despite your trembling tone, catch him off guard.
âWhat?â he asks, his brows knitting together in confusion.
âMy favor,â you say firmly, though your voice wavers. âI want to leave this place.â
For a moment, Geto says nothing, his sharp mind scrambling to process the abruptness of your request. Then he shakes his head, his expression softening. âYou know I canât do that.â
Your incredulous gaze snaps up to meet him. âSo you lied to me?â
âNo, not at all,â he says quickly, holding up his hands. âI meantâI can grant you time off. But as someone under the emperorâs direct supervision, I canât allow you to leave permanently. What I can do is give you one lunar cycle away from court.â
You hesitate, weighing his offer before giving a sharp nod. âIâll take it. Just let me leave,â you reply, sniffling.
Geto watches you for a moment longer, his chest tightening at the sight of your despair. âIâll make the arrangements right away,â he says gently. âIâm sorry we seem to meet only under such terrible circumstances.â
âIâm sorry too,â you murmur, your tone hollow.
He hesitates, searching for the right words to offer some semblance of comfort. âWhatever he did, Iâm sureââ
âI donât care,â you cut him off, your voice colder now. âHe made his disgust for me perfectly clear.â You march past him, your steps resolute despite the trembling in your shoulders. âThank you for understanding, though I must beg you to keep this between us. Who knows what might happen to either of us if he finds out.â
Geto exhales slowly, his composure steady but his mind racing. Just what, exactly, had his best friend done this time? Gojoâs antics always seemed to leave Geto cleaning up the aftermath, but thisâthis was something else entirely.
Just as he promised, there is a carriage waiting for you outside of the servantsâ quarters. With heavy bags in hand and an even heavier heart, you make your way toward it, each step weighted with reluctant resolve. The irony of the moment doesnât escape you, a sense of dĂ©jĂ vu washing over you, as though life had played this scene out countless times before.
You turn sharply, your bleary eyes meeting the calm, hazel gaze of someone you hadnât expected to see.
âNanami?â you breathe, disbelief coloring your tone.
He inclines his head in a polite nod. âForgive the intrusion, but I insist on accompanying you,â he says, his voice as composed as ever. âThe roads beyond the palace can be dangerous, especially for someone traveling alone.â
For a moment, you simply stare, caught between gratitude and confusion. The warmth in your chest battles against the ache that lingers from your earlier ordeal. âAnd what of the emperor?â you ask, forcing a faint smile. âWould he not throw a fit in your absence?â
Nanami lets out a quiet, mirthless laugh, the sound more bitter than amused. âPerhaps,â he admits, adjusting the luggage in his hands with ease. âBut he was never one to share, was he?â
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ᯠKento Nanami doesn't even know he has a breeding kink until he cums inside of you for the first time. It's like a flip switches in his brain, and the second that sweet release floods your womb he is plagued with the instinctual need to fill you over and over and over until something takes.
And breeding you doesn't have to mean a baby, but rather the primal possession that comes with having you spend the rest of the day with a part of him inside of you. No other man has the privilege, the right, or the reason to claim you as he has, and it does something nasty to the way he fucks.
He's still the gentleman he's always been: still makes sure you cum at least once on his fingers or tongue before he graces you with the hard-to-manage length of his cock. But rather than in the spirit of purely giving you pleasure, he's trying to ensure you're so wet that he can force himself just that little bit deeper inside of you.
A guilt of his, perhaps, but Kento read that if he were to edge himself between moments of intimacy with you, that his loads would be bigger, more forcefulâand the idea of giving you even more of himself than he already had been is enough to get him hard. So, he starts touching himself whenever the thought clouds his mind, which is more-often-than-not nowadays. He fucks his fist to the thought of breeding you out until he's cumming dry and you're so full of his cum that it has nowhere to go other than down your legs. Stopping before he cums is a pain like none other, but his new adopted thought process claims a load spent anywhere other than balls-deep inside of you is a load wasted.
And he doesn't say a word of it to you. You only pick up on it when you realise he won't cum anywhere else. When you're sat between his legs after a long day of work, serving him with your mouth and coaxing those lovely groans from his chest. How his hands try and guide you off of him before he gets close enough to lose control, sys he doesn't want to cum down your throat. Once upon a time he would get hard all over at just the sight of you swallowing his lust.
"I just... want to be inside of you, honey, is that okay?" He says, and you oblige because the way Ken gets once he's finally seated inside of you is nothing other than animalistic, euphoric. But you have to wonder if there's a reason he avoids spilling his seed over your tongue or tits like he used to.
"You know I like the taste, right?" you glance over at him when he bends you over the arm of the couch and slips his aching cock into you. You doubt you'll ever get used to his sizeâhe always has to take a moment to let you settle once he's in.
"I know, love," he claims. "I just... prefer it this way."
"Don't you like fucking my throat anymore?"
"God," he groans, presses his body into your back so that his breath fans over your ear. "No. I love your throat. I love all of you."
A thrust to test the watersâ at your moan, another. Kento rocks his hips, drags his cock out of you and then drives forward until you and him are as connected as you can be... almost.
"You wanna breed me, is that it?"
Kento's hips stall. You're not stupid, and he doesn't even realise he's got an arm wrapped around you so he can splay his fingers over your stomach. His wedding band presses against your skin, sets it alight with burning need. Hearing you say it, though, makes him nearly cum on the spotâhe wouldn't be so selfish.
"How'd youâ"
"You say it, Ken," you drawl your words out, tease him with your tone. "When you cum, you say you're gonna fuck a baby into me, that you're gonna 'breed me like the pretty whore I am'. Don't worry, I like it. I want it."
He can hardly believe it, such words feel foreign to his mind. But they taste familiar on his tongue, like a part of his subconscious speaks on his behalf when he's all blissed out like that. He wonders just how deep the instinct to breed you runs, because his cock twitches and all of a sudden he's thrusting into you at a speed that seems only supernatural.
The snapping of his hips, the sound of skin against skin and the curses that slip from his lips like wine. It doesn't take long for you both to cum alongside each other, Kento, of course, deep inside of you.
And it takes a very strong part of him to pay attention to himself this time, and you aren't a liar: the song of need and primal lust that spill from his mouth are made for porn. Not that he can find it in himself to be embarassed, you seem to like it, what with the way your whole body shakes in orgasm as he fills you up.
Yeah, you'll be throwing out every condom you've got stashed away in the house.
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#kento nanami smut#nanami smut#kento nanami x reader#nanami x reader#nanami kento smut#nanami kento x reader#kento nanami x you#nanami x you#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#kinktober 2024
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soft gojo meeting his newborn hc, pleaaasee??
àż àż đ°ïž ă 11:10 P.M ă
soft dad!gojo drove me to have another baby fever for the ntn time. you just have to put this idea in my head donât you dear anon~
a part of gojo's love entries
the thing was so tiny, precious and squishy. it fit right in his hands, so red and fragile, almost like a toyâ
only it was not. it was a real, living baby. his son, partly made by his own flesh and bloodâhis to protect.
âhello to you, my little minion,â satoru whispered to his newborn, wonderstruck by the sight of this small but clearly alive being. his eyes glazed, his fingers delicately tracing the baby's face, body, and tiny feet. âiâm your dad, yeah?â
his own soft voice sounded foreign to him. but at this moment, as he was utterly mesmerized by the sight of little human that just came out of you, his beloved wife, he couldnât care less.
he had always imagined how his brat would look like. he even joked with you about how heâd get his good looksâand heck, the gods did hear him and this baby in his arms was the most handsome baby he had ever seen, blessed with his white hair and softest skin, as well as the rosiest cheeks.
his only dismay was that he also inherited the bluest of eyes, the curse in his family line.
well, but thatâs a problem for another day.
he settled his newborn into the hospital's nursery crib, and nudged his pudgy cheeks once again. not even half a day had passed since he was born, and gojo satoru had developed a severe cuteness aggression for his son. he swore heâd spoil him rotten, shower him love he never truly experienced from his own parents, and of course, keep him safe.
with his heart full, he left the baby as he slept, and went back to your room.
in the very same predicament as your baby, you were still fast asleep. you were visibly exhausted, your hair was a tangled mess, and there was a line of dried blood along your lipsâcaused by accidentally biting them too hard earlier, during your labor pains.
even in the state of disarray, satoru still thought you looked ethereal, too good for him.
he ran his fingers through your hair, smoothing them, and he regretted it when your face scrunched up and your eyes fluttered open. ââŠhmm? satoru?â
âhey, sweets. how are you feeling?â
âi still feel like being split into two⊠but yeah, iâll manage.â
âshush, of course. you feel that way often, each time when iââ
âdonât,â you warned, glaring at him. âi just birthed your heir, gojo satoru. donât even start.â
satoru burst into a laugh so hearty and he realized he truly loved this dynamics with you. and that he was grateful for you.
he wanted to thank you for all that you had done for him. for returning his feelings. for marrying him. for going through that pain to bring his son to the worldâ
and most of all, for still being here. for staying alive to live another day with him.
âi saw him just now. our baby is perfect.â
âreally? i want to meet him tooâŠâ
âsoon, sweetheart... when youâre a little better, iâll take you to him.â
but he wasnât the best with words. and so even if he were to pour his heart out, everything would be condensed into this one sentence.
you were excited at the prospect of meeting your baby, when suddenly satoru leaned in to plant a kiss on your forehead.
âi love you so damn much⊠you know?â
#đđđŁđ đđđĄđđđđ #gojo satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#jjk imagines#jjk drabbles#jujutsu kaisen x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru fluff#jjk fluff#gojo x you#satoru gojo fluff
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âarminâ gimme yâr câcum . . â
you whine into arminâs neck, soft blonde locks tickling against your temples. â âmin . .â
âfuckâ fuck, hold on,â
the poor boys loosing his composure, your warm soppy cunt warped gorgeously around his sore cock. heâs dizzy with the way youâre riding his taut cock, bouncing up and down his lap at a dragged pace, your chubby ass dropping against his meaty thighs before you lift your hips again.
ââs good. so goodâ prettyââ
ââminnnâ cum in me âready, please . .â
you sniffle, wrapping your arms tight around his neck. you press a wet his to the shell of his ear, feeling the man shiver below you with a low, sultry moan. âyâr big,â you cry, tossing your head back. âcâcanât anymoreâ!â
âno, you can. just a little more, a little more for âmin, okay.â armin grumbles, mouth agape with his brows furrowed. his fingers dig into the chub of your hips, burning indents of his digits pressed into your skin â almost as if branding you.
ââm gonna cum, baby. baby, donât slow, pleaseââ heâs rambling. itâs your favorite part of fucking the weak, weak man â his stupid rambles against your chest, the apple of his palms traveling all across your body now and not merely still on your hips.
his left arm comes to wrap behind your body, pulling you in close until you feel his soft skin pressed up against yours. his right hand comes to palm at your naked breasts, fondling them so gently itâs turning them sensitive.
his arm wrapped around your back drops to the curve of your ass, arminâs middle finger tittering gently across your golden skin to press into your puckered ass.
you yelp, pussy twitching when you feel armin press the tip of his finger into the rim of your ass, mewling quietly as he shushes you,
ââmâmin . . yâr dirty . . dirty pâpervert.â you shake your butt a tad, the foreign fill unfamiliar.
âam . . iâm sorry baby, so, so sorryâ donât stop. please,â
his finger motions slightly, pumping erratically at the same pace of his cock impaling your pussy. you cry, soft pussy sore and aching. âmin, min . . please . . â
âi know. please . . keep goinâ hun. inside to make it up to my baby? alrighâ?â
#armin arlert#armin aot#armin x reader#armin x you#armin x y/n#armin x fem reader#armin smut#armin arlet x reader#armin arlet smut#armin arlet imagines#snk armin#aot smut#attack on titan smut#attack on titan#snk#attack on titan x reader#attack on titan x you#attack on titan x female reader#drabbles ââ
Ëâ
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Ëâ§Ë° 𫧠âïœĄË skincare,
summary. your skincare time is also dean's time.
pairing. dean winchester x reader
wordcount. 569.
The soft hum of water running in the sink was the only sound in the dimly lit bathroom. Dean leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest, watching as you went through your nightly skincare routine. His gaze wasnât casualâit never was when it came to you.
Heâd seen you do a million thingsâreading, working out, cookingâbut this? This intrigued him the most. No matter how tired you were, no matter how long or rough the day had been, you never skipped it. Even after hours tangled up in bed together, your skin glowing with the aftermath of love, youâd still pad into the bathroom, tie your hair back, and start working through your little bottles.
Dean couldnât understand it. But damn, he loved watching you.
You caught his reflection in the mirror and smirked. âEnjoying the show?â
âJust... fascinated,â he replied, his lips quirking into a smirk. âYouâre half-asleep, and youâre still doing this. Whatâs in those things, anyway? Magic potions?â
âItâs not weird,â you shot back, massaging something into your face. âItâs self-care. You should try it.â
He snorted. âYeah, Iâll pass. Not exactly manly, sweetcheeks.â
You turned to him, arms crossed, one brow arched. âOh, please. You coat your hands in motor oil daily. This is basically the same, just less greasy and smells better.â
Dean laughed, shaking his head. âNo offense, sweetheart, but me and fancy creams donât mix.â
You stepped closer, your hands already reaching for him. âSit,â you ordered, pointing to the closed toilet lid.
âBossy,â he muttered, though he obeyed, sitting with an exaggerated sigh.
âClose your eyes,â you instructed, squeezing cleanser onto your fingers.
âNot sure about this,â Dean hesitated for a moment but then complied, his long lashes fluttering shut. The first touch of your hands against his face made his shoulders tense, but you moved gently, massaging the cleanser into his skin with a tenderness he wasnât used to.
âRelax,â you murmured, your thumbs gliding over his cheekbones. âItâs just me.â
He let out a breath he didnât realize he was holding, his body melting into your touch. As you moved through the steps, applying toner, serum, and moisturizer, Dean felt something foreignâa strange mix of vulnerability and comfort.
âHard to relax when someoneâs this close to my face,â he murmured, though his tone was soft.
The products smelled nice, sure, and the cool sensation was refreshing, but what really struck Dean was you. Your hands on his face, the way your breath brushed against his cheek as you leaned in closer. The warmth of your fingertips, the soft rhythm of your movementsâeverything about it was you.
As you worked, he couldnât help but open one eye to look at you. The concentration on your face, the care in your touchâit was almost too much.
When you finished, your hands lingered on his face for a moment, your thumbs brushing along his jawline. âThere,â you said softly, your voice full of warmth. âHowâs that?â
Dean opened his eyes, staring up at you, his heart doing something funny in his chest. âYou know,â he said, his voice low, âI think I get it now.â
âGet what?â
He reached up, his hand brushing against yours. âItâs not the stuff youâre putting on my face. Itâs you.â You flushed, your heart skipping a beat as he added, âIâd let you do this every night, just to feel your hands on me.â
want be part of the taglist.ᣠâ.Ë â
â @iloveeveryoneyoureamazing â @deans-daydream â @ariasong11 â @ambiguous-avery â @krabog â @itsdearapril
#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x you#dean winchester fluff#dean winchester fic#supernatural#.docx
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CANâT KEEP MY HANDS TO MYSELF (I MEAN I COULD, BUT WHY WOULD I WANT TO?) â JJK BOYS + TOO HOT
featuring. gojo, okkotsu, choso, itadori, fushiguro
content, warnings. playing too hot with the jjk boysâ(too hot is a party game in which two people kiss while keeping their hands to themselves; the first person to touch their partner loses), making out, tongue sucking, uhhh slight predator/prey in yuutaâs oops, theyâre a bunch of losers to be honest, thereâs a word for the thing yuuji does but i don't know it lolol
word count. 1.6k
SATORU GOJO Satoru is prideful, but you also know that he is nothing if not handsy, borderline clingy on his worst days. The concept of personal space is foreign to him, heâs rarely not touching you when youâre in his proximity, and when you arenât, he closes that gapâso youâre confident that heâll lose this game.Â
And he does. It takes ninety-two seconds for Satoru to put his hands on you; his palms cupping your cheeks, forcing your jaw open for him to lick at your tongue. You yelp in surprise, try to take in your victory, taunt that youâve won, but Satoruâs playing an entirely different game now. âI know, I lost,â he pushes his thumbs at the corners of your mouth, parting your lips and staring at your open mouth. Briefly, his eyes flicker to yours, drinks in your pliant expression, the soft touch of your fingers around his wrists, the feel of your body sinking below him, and he smiles, âBut I want something else right now. Indulge me?âÂ
You tap at his right wrist and he moves his thumbs away from your lips, stroking against the soft skin of your cheeks instead so you can speak, âYou lost, youâre not supposed to make demands.âÂ
âTake pity on a rookie like me, wonât you?â Satoru hums, tilting his head to kiss your cheek, then closer, just below your bottom lip, âPlease, sweets?âÂ
âDepends on what you want,â you pout, but your words are strained against Satoruâs kisses. He grins, guiding a thumb back to your lips, this time pressing past the barrier of your lips until theyâre wrapped around his digit, smile turning cheshire when he feels you sucking, âI have a different game we can play instead.âÂ
YUUTA OKKOTSU âAh, ahââ you pull away from Yuuta, much to his dismay, pulling the hem of your shirt from his grasp, âThat counts as touching. Youâre not supposed to touch, Yuuta.âÂ
Heâs looking at you intensely, gaze bordering on predatory, slow blinking with blown-out pupils. He nods shallowly, moving his hand from where it was to your side, palm pressing into the couch next to your thigh; it lets him that much closer to you, the tip of his nose grazing yours, you can feel his laborious breaths tickle your lips. Yuuta tilts his head ever so slightly and pauses, blinks, waitsâfor you to make a sound, for you to tell him no again, for you to run.Â
You donât. He shifts his weight and positions his other hand to rest at your side, caging you between his arms, slotting you underneath his gaze. You curl underneath him, backing up until youâre pressed against the arm of the couch, until Yuutaâs crawled to slot his knee between your legs. You crane your neck away, but youâre still within his reach, and now youâve presented the perfect canvas for him. He dips his head into your collarbone, leaves a deceptively soft kiss there before nosing up the expanse of your exposed skin and sinking his teeth into your neck.Â
Yuuta feels you tense underneath him, body going rigid in a moment of surprise, and then slacking with an exhaled moan, like a bitten bunny. Reflexively, your hands find purchase in his hair, and Yuuta nips over the tender skin, and smiles, âCaught you.âÂ
CHOSO KAMO âYouâre nervous,â you conclude, pulling away from the shallow kiss Choso gave you.Â
Beside you, heâs flushed, a hand coming up to reach at the back of his neck as he replies, âI donât know why,â he exhales, âItâs just... weird to not touch you. I have to think about not touching you, and that means I have to think, which tends to make me, you know... nervous.âÂ
You giggle, leaning in closer to him, careful not to touch; careful to keep your hips raised above his, even as you straddle him, keep your arms and hands at your sides even though the instinct is to wrap them around Chosoâs neck. He doesnât pull back, even though he should; you like that he doesnât. âYou donât like to think about me?âÂ
âNoâno! Not like that,â heâs too loud for the proximity, sighing in embarrassment shortly after; youâre too close, way too close, and heâs not supposed to touch, but he wants toâChoso doesnât like this feeling of restraint, of constriction; itâs too close to when he had a hopeless crush on you, to when he was pining and praying youâd spare him the time of day. Isnât the point of dating that he gets to have you? To touch you, to hold youâto not hold back?Â
âBecause I like to think about you,â you admit, leaning in even closer, pressing a kiss to the base of Chosoâs neckâand he whines, âI think about you a lot, Choso.âÂ
The sound of his name from your lips is sweet torture, as is the way you trail your kisses up his neck, up his jaw, behind his ear. Chosoâs certain heâs going to rip a hole in his jeans with how taut heâs pulling them between his fists. This isnât fairânothing about this is fair. âI donât want to play anymore,â Choso whines, eyes screwing shut when you suck a hickey onto his collar.
âBut weâve only just started,â you giggle against his skin, âAnd nobodyâs won yet.â
Choso bites his lips, his knuckles are sore, his resolve is weak, and you smell good, you feel goodâand he canât do this. Pathetic, maybe, but he doesnât care; he didnât make you yours to try and stay away from you. So, Choso gives in, unwinds his fists, places one hand on your waist, and the other against your back, pulling you flush against him, and burying his face in your neck.Â
âThere, I lose,â he grumbles, not caring for your laughter reverberating against his chest, âNow I can touch you as much as I want.âÂ
YUUJI ITADORI âThâthis isnât fair,â you tremble, attempting to move away from his kisses, but youâre caged in between Yuuji and the wall. Thereâs nowhere for you to run, nothing for you to grab purchase onto but Yuujiânothing to do but lose.Â
âI didnât hear any rules against this,â he feigns innocence, suckling at your skin, âThink itâs fair game.â
You close your eyes, trying to focus on something, anything else, but itâs hard when all you can see, all you can feel is Yuuji, Yuuji, Yuuji. Kissing up your neck, at your cheek, then your lips, and you find yourself sighing into his touch, balling your hands into fists to avoid the temptation of cupping his face.Â
Yuuji moans when he feels your tongue against his, kisses you back fervently, swirling his tongue across yours and into the cavity of your mouth. He inhales all your breaths, makes it impossible for you to do anything but succumb to his kiss, to swallow his moans, to take everything he gives you. You didnât expect Yuuji to have this much resolveâyouâd anticipated a short, cute round of a silly party game, but you should have known better; Yuuji has never lost a challenge before, and you were naive, at best, to think otherwise.
Predictably, itâs you that lets go first, whining when Yuuji sucks on your tongue, hands trembling and reaching to hold him, to cling to him as some kind of recourse, unable to squirm or move anywhere else. That doesnât stop himâYuuji only sucks harder, only forces more moans out of you until youâre digging your nails into his shoulders and bending your knees, weak.Â
Then he pulls back, leaving you breathless, tilting his head up to kiss your forehead and flashing you a grin thatâs equal parts boyish and wicked with intent, âI win.âÂ
MEGUMI FUSHIGURO Itâs the kind of thing he usually turns down; clichĂ©, fruitless, and unnecessarily time-consuming; but itâs you, so he makes the exception. Youâre too eager, positioning yourself to sit on your hands, your legs folded under your knees, peering up at him from where heâs sat slack against the couch, and he thinks you look awful cute on your knees for him.
âOkay, ready?â you smile, âThree, twoââ but Megumi already knows his plan, already has his lips on yours before you can say âone,â drinking in your surprised yelp and greedily licking against your tongue when you part your lips to kiss him back. He turns his body towards you slightly, taking advantage of his height and position to bully you into chasing him upwards, to push his tongue into your mouth with ease.Â
He indulges in the back and forth for a while, sighs into your kisses, groans when you nip at him. Itâs when you pull away, that Megumi decides heâs played along long enough; when he can see your chest swell with heaving breaths, see your hands in your lap, neck craned and spit-slick lips that drive him to reach for you. Heâs less than gentle, hands finding purchase on your hips, and forcefully pulling you into his lap, ignoring your yelping, choosing to turn them into moans when he sinks his teeth into your neck. Megumi licks, and bites, and bites, and bites, until heâs certain heâs left a mark, until he feels your hands tugging at his hair and giving him permission to splay his palms against your back and buck you forward. Â
âI lose,â he hums, soothing over raw bitten skin with open-mouthed kisses, âSo, how do you wanna punish me?â
#jujustu kaisen#i dont actually like writing in this format i think LOLL but i have so many i did as like... character studies?#i figure i'd post them but eh#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk fluff#gojo x reader#satoru gojo x reader#satoru x reader#gojo smut#satoru smut#yuuta okkotsu x reader#yuuta x reader#yuuta smut#choso x reader#choso smut#choso fluff#yuuji itadori x reader#yuuji x reader#yuji x reader#yuuji smut#yuuji fluff#megumi fushiguro x reader#megumi x reader#megumi smut#megumi fluff#jjk imagines
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